That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
