I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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