Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
