now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
