Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
