Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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