The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
