You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
