She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
