Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
