I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
