We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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