theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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