i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
