dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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