Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
