Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
