pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
