Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
