You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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