Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
