...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
