her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
