you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
