Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
