Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
