I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
