I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
