and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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