the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
