So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize