just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
