just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
