She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Boobs speak an international language.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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