Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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