Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
