The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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