I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize