her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
