Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think a kid would responsible me up
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my liver is dry heaving
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
