wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Two words: blizzard sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
