I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
