Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
