I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize