we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
