i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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