the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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