he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
