Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
