When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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