Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
