remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm passing your future prison.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
