There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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