So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
