Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
