Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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