Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my shit smells like andre
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
