Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
