The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
