i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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