if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
