he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
