Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
