Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
