im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
