my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
