I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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