She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
