i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
