Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
