That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
