I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
