so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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