I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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