Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
