My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
