I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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