Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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