Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
